Sometimes you get it right

Several months ago I wrote about a child that was struggling.  A child that I love and want the best for.  It was hard for me to put those thoughts and feelings out there but the response I got was absolutely incredible.  I was overwhelmed at the nice things people had to say and the unconditional love that I felt for me and my family. 

At that point I was trying to come to terms with the idea that there might be issues that needed to be dealt with and frankly I was having a hard time getting past the anger.  I was angry that this child was struggling and I wanted to scream when well meaning people would mention the challenges.  I wanted to tell people to mind their own freaking business.  Fortunately I have a bit of self control so I contained my wrath and smiled and said "thanks for your concern". 

I think I'm past the "ripping someone's head off" stage and I'm firmly in "let's deal with life and move on".  So here are a few of the more successful things we've tried.

TV- Back in August when school started I told the kids that the tv didn't work on school days.  I think they thought I was just messing with them but I was serious.  And now months later the tv stays off and it's not a big deal.  I'm not gonna lie, those first few weeks were pretty brutal.

"can I watch a show?" 

"no"

 "can I watch a show?" 

"no" 

"can I watch a show?"

But now they don't ask (really no lie, they don't).  They know the rule and they know I'm not kidding.  Here's a cool bonus, we have more time.  Yes, I know that's kind of a duh for the rest of the world but I didn't think we were watching that much so I didn't realize what a difference it would make.  The kids have learned how to play with each other and use their imaginations.  That can't hurt, well, usually not.

Food-  I've made a few little changes to our diet.  No cold cereal for breakfast (except for Saturdays when Daddy cooks) and more fruit.  My kids are veggie haters so fruit is what works for us.  I'm also cooking with more whole grains and less processed anything. I don't have any scientific proof handy but I know that when I eat healthy I feel a zillion times better and I'm seeing little changes in the way my kids act so as easy as it is to pull out the mac and cheese, we're trying to avoid that, mostly...

Me-  This is the big one, the one that has made the most difference and is frankly, the hardest one to change.  I have had to learn that my child's reaction to a situation is not a reflection on me as a parent. I'm not a bad mom.  I'm not a bad person.  It doesn't help the problem if I freak out and start yelling and it doesn't make me look any better.  Like I've said before, my children need unconditional love.  They don't need to be yelled at or made to feel like less of a person.  The world can take care of that, I'd rather be the safe harbor and to do that I have to be very careful that in the heat of the moment I just take a deep breath and move on with life.

Turning off the tv, reading more books, eating healthier and enjoying the time we have as a family has made a difference.  We still struggle with focusing and tormenting siblings and following the rules but slowly things are getting better. 

Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride.

Kristen