The State of Things

I'm tired.  Not unheard of, I know.  But when you're the exhausted one it feels like you're the lone sufferer.  My days start early.  That's my own fault.  I like to get up and run and then get myself ready before the kids wake up.  That makes my days really long.  I like having a clean house so I work to make it that way.  Instead of hanging out on the couch I'm cleaning the toys out from underneath.  I don't like sitting and doing nothing, I'd rather be working on a project.  Even if that project is just throwing soccer balls onto the roof so that they bounce off for my kids to chase after.

I kept meaning to take a break today and do something unproductive before my classes start back up later this week but this morning the kids were playing so nicely together that I kept doing just one more project.  Then later this afternoon they were recreating all of the wars in the history of the world so I was kept busy refereeing.  I wanted to go to bed early but instead I consoled a heartbroken baby and then went to a committee meeting.

I hate being tired because not only does it mess with my energy level but it also colors my normal happy outlook on life.  I'm less able to deal with the constant demands of the family.  Serving the people that I love begins to feel like a prison sentence instead of the vocation that I willingly and gratefully chose.  I know that a good night's sleep will change my perspective.  I know that it's not a permanent state of being but right now it feels like the only way to fit everything in is to sacrifice my sleep time.  I know, it's stupid.  If one of my friends said the same thing to me I would do my best to convince them of the idiocy of their ways (in a kind and loving way, of course) but I guess maybe I just think that somehow I'm different.  Crazy.

So the moral of this whine is that none of us are special.  We all need to get adequate amounts of rest and we need to take care of ourselves.  I haven't figured out how to do that but don't the experts say that admitting that you have a problem is the first step?

Summer Fun

I realize that snow suits are on the store shelves and Christmas trees are at the local Hobby Lobby but around here it's still summer.  As in it's hot, the kids sleep in (sort of) and I don't have much gumption to tackle any major projects.

But just to prove to posterity (and my mom) that we're not completely lazy here ya go, part one of our summer in 7 pictures.

Yogurt really is just as messy as you'd think.

Imagine the dental floss.

Happy birthday to the baby!  Picture of her cake but not of her, what's wrong with that picture??

Houses that we can't afford (thank you student loans) but they're nice to look at!

Swimming with 5 kids is no joke.  It's an achievement man.

I've always wanted to play in a fountain but because I'm a grownup I'm the one telling the kids no while secretly thinking that fountain swimming would be super fun.

Proof that kids really are able to sleep anywhere.  It makes my neck hurt just looking at this picture.

Happy summer!

Wednesday Afternoon

3:00 double check all bags to be sure there are cleats/ shin guards/ ballet shoes/ etc.
3:15 load Suburban with crying baby (because you've rudely interrupted her nap) and talkative preschooler and nine million sports bags and snacks/ dinner
3:25 re-buckle preschooler because he had to go to the bathroom one more time, hey, better now than while waiting in traffic
3:27 comfort inconsolable baby but know that it's probably a lost cause, poor girl
3:40 drive two blocks to wait for the always late bus but you're being optimistic that it just might be on time today
3:50 no such luck, late again, load three older kids, ask questions about school, deflect any TV requests with "we'll see, maybe later", translation: dream on kid
4:03 late for ballet again, yay us (sarcastic yay), maybe next week
5:15 on time to first soccer practice (sincere yay)
6:30 hand off two kids to the husband, he's off to second soccer practice
6:45 home with three kids, shower for the oldest, bed for the preschooler and a marathon nursing session with the baby
7:30 two kids home, backpack sorting begins, gathering of all the smelly clothes happens, kids shower and go to bed
8:00 pack lunches (normally the kids do it but it's easier to have mom do it tonight), clean kitchen (sort of), hope that listening to an audio book in the car counts as 20 minutes of reading (it should...), listen to baby cry while the best dad in the world does his best to comfort her

The End

Survival Strategies

Are you getting tired of hearing about how I just had a baby and it's making me sorta crazy?  No?  Lucky you because here's some of my make it through the day ideas.  And while this is written as a postpartum woman I think it applies to everyone.  Well, probably not the nursing part...

Exercise  I love it.  I really do.  It keeps me sane.  It makes me feel good.  It reminds my body that it's good for more than just dairy production.  My doctor has only given me the okay to walk so that's what I do early most mornings.  My treadmill, my iPod and I spend a quality 30 minutes together.  I make sure to turn up the music really loud so that if all hell breaks loose I can't actually hear it.  I mean what's the worst that could happen in 30 minutes before dawn when the kids are asleep?  Don't answer that question.  As frustrated as I am with this after baby body, I'm not exercising to change my shape.  I'm really just treadmilling it to keep my mental health sorta under control.

Breast feed  Now I know this is controversial so just take a chill pill (I get a thrill of out saying that) everyone.  FOR ME nursing is just easier.  I couldn't handle the bottles and the formula and the refrigeration and umm, whatever else you have to do.  It's much easier FOR ME to just whip out one of the girls and take care of business.

Menu Planning I'm no Food Nanny but I do believe family dinner is pretty important and I've actually tried changing the clocks so that the kids don't know it's dinner time but they always figure me out.  So if I know what I'm making for dinner in advance I can get everything ready in the morning (if I'm on my game) or my better half can read the menu and take care of things.  Makes life easier.  Try it.

Simplify I took the fall semester off.  I knew that trying to balance school, even part time would just be more than I could handle.  It's been a relief to not have to worry about class and homework and good grades.  I've also let the other non essentials slide like weekly trips to the library, not even.  Homemade muffins/ waffles/ whatever for breakfast, hardly.  You get the idea.  Cut it out if it's not essential to your sanity.  Which brings us to

Staying Busy When I'm feeling in a funk of some making or another my cure is to do something productive.  That means not wasting the day away reading a book or watching tv.  I need to be moving and active and I need to have something to look back on that reminds me that I am a little bit productive.  Even if that's only moving the laundry basket from the basement to the bedroom.

Eat Healthy Okay maybe that should read healthyish because I am pretty fond of the cookies.  But I try to not live on the butter sugar food group.  I feel better if my body gets what it needs in the form of healthy food and right now in my present lumpy state I could use all the feel good I can get.

Be Kind To yourself.  To your family.  To that nosy lady at the store (yes, they are all mine, yes it's busy, thanks...).  When I'm nice to other people I feel better about myself.  So really I'm not trying to be kind to help them feel good, it's all about me.

The final one should be Sleep when you can so see ya!

Back To School

The older kids are all in school now.  I cried.  Because that's what I do.  I just wear sunglasses and try not to talk to anyone.

Anna's in fourth grade this year.  That means she'll be leaving for law school (the girl knows how to argue) in just a couple of minutes.  I think I'm going to throw up.

Grant is in first.  He's going to be starting medical school the day after tomorrow (he's very curious about how things work).  I'm just going to assume the fetal position now.

Jennie slid into first.  She's going to dominate the ballet stage any second now (she really can dance).  My heart just stopped.

Nathan is in preschool.  That means he'll be on his way to college after lunch (future still undetermined).  I need suggestions on how exactly you stop your kids from growing...

Yeah, yeah I know your children are supposed to grow up and take over the world but does that mean that they really have to leave the nest?  I mean, that's hard for this momma to deal with.  I don't think I'm cut out for the goodbye part of parenting.  It's rough.

Oh and if none of my children actually become what I've decided they should be I'll get over it, probably.  After all what child really does what their parent tells them...

Introducing...

She came early.  But this post is late.  Only not really because technically she wasn't due until tomorrow.  So let's call it a wash.

I'll let her take it from here.

Hi guys.  I'm really pretty aren't I?  I know, I know looks aren't everything but they don't hurt.  But let's cover the important stuff.  My name is Marjorie Grace but I answer to Maggie, Mags, Magzie, Magzilla and Maggie Mae. Give my siblings some time and I'm sure they'll come up with a few more names.

I was born on July 23.  I weighed 6 lbs 5 oz and I was 19 inches long.  I wasn't supposed to come until tomorrow (August 8) but my mom started having this thing with her kidneys and the doctors said it was my fault.  So they pulled me out of my nice warm home, her kidneys recovered and I was healthy so I guess it worked out okay.  Don't worry, I've since apologized to Momma and she's forgiven me so we're good.

My siblings love me.

So there you go.  I'm healthy.  My mom is healthy.  My family loves me.  I'm also hungry so I'll stop dictating this to my secretary so that she can feed me.

Love you guys!

Recently (or a classy photo dump)

What's wrong with this picture?

Let me set the stage.  It was just after 5 in the morning.  I didn't sleep great last night, who does at this stage of pregnancy?  Finally, I have several pairs of running shoes, maybe it's time to go through them and consolidate a bit...

Nope, I didn't change them.  I did my workout and just snickered at myself whenever I thought about my shoes.  For the record, let's define "workout": it was a mile and a half in 30 minutes.  My former marathon self is shaking her head in disgust but she'll pull through, she's been here before.

Step one of the classic barn fowl game.

Step 2, let the fun begin.

The first annual backyard camp out was born last week.  You'll notice there's not a place for me.  That's because my pioneer ancestors would be ashamed of me for sleeping on the ground (while expecting a child) when I have a perfectly good bed inside.

The fun lasted until about one in the morning when the thunder and lightning started.  The campers relocated to the family room floor.  I stayed in my soft bed.  It was lovely.

The rain kept coming which led to the following.

Miraculously no one fell and no blood or tears were shed.  Like I said, a miracle.

Nathan is convinced that he fits.  It could work right???

Are you still with me?  Good because here's what we do everyday.  EVERYDAY.  Because it's hot and the alternative is My Little Pony.  

I prefer skinny kids in swimsuits.

Happy Monday!

Kristen

PS- future generations should know that Grant isn't a fan of the pony show, that would be his sisters and his easily influenced brother.

Shaping the Soul

There are moments in our lives that define us, that shape who we are and change our very reason for living.  Then sometimes there are moments that change a community, a nation and even a world.

I remember exactly where I was when my world and the rest of creation's changed.  I was in college in a small eastern Arizona town.  Since that day 11 years ago nothing has been the same.  Brothers and friends have gone to war and some didn't come back, we can't just hop on a plane like we used to and our world has become so small and sometimes frightening.  We're now fluent in Middle Eastern names and places in a way that we could never have imagined.  That heartbreaking Tuesday morning has redefined our existence.

Just like September 11, 2001 has footnoted our lives, I believe that 71 years ago there was the exact same shaping moment for a generation that came long before me and probably even you.  That December morning when planes flew into Pearl Harbor, the world became a different place. 

One of the things that I remember most vividly after the towers fell was the way that we reached out to each other.  Class and race and status didn't matter anymore because we were all hurting and we were all afraid.  We came together in a way that was unimaginable.  I imagine it was the same when Pearl Harbor was attacked.  America must have rallied and united behind a common goal.

I hope that we never forget the tragic moments that have shaped our existence, whether it's because we had a CNN- eye's view or just a chapter in a textbook.

Love,  Kristen

The opposite of peppy

You know that deep down to the bone feeling of exhaustion?

I'm there right now and I just don't see an end in sight.  Here it is 830 in the am and I would give almost anything for a nap.  I'm just done for.

Sadly so much of my exhaustion is self- inflicted.  I have four kids.  That wears me out.  I'm going to school.  That makes my brain tired.  I like to run.  That makes my body tired.  My husband works so that I can stay home.  That makes me lonely. 

Before this pity party gets too out of control I have to make it clear that I know exactly how blessed I am.  My bills are paid, my children are healthy and my better half loves me.  All of those things (plus a million more) show me exactly how much I am loved but that doesn't make me any less tired.  Maybe that makes me ungrateful, I don't know. 

I've been trying to cut back and just say no but then I deal with the infamous "G".  You know, guilt.  I'm pretty sure guilt is a woman, an obnoxious woman.  I picture her as a tired and sloppy woman with really bad hair who says things like "if you don't want to be me, you need to do more" or "you're just not working hard enough".  I get it G, I get!  But here's the kicker, even though I know that guilt isn't helpful I still let her hang out.  Just a little while ago I had to say "no more" to one of my volunteer positions and I've gotta tell you, I'm really upset with myself.  I feel like I have let down a group of people and now they are just forced to pick up the pieces.  That makes me feel horrible, like a failure. 

My default setting is usually funny with a heavy dose of sarcasm but I'm just not feeling it right now.  If I were to find a chocolate doughnut hole I'd probably break down in tears.  I want to have fun with my kids and enjoy spending time with the husband.  But right now I just want to do some cave dwelling.  Dark.  Quiet.  Alone.  Sounds good to me.

Folks, I'm just worn out.  I don't get days off and the toll is starting to show.  Sometimes I need to vent a bit and then I'm okay.  I've got good friends and loving family and help from above. 

I think I'll make it, I really do.