Fast forward a half a year or so and still no baby but those four kids are still around and getting busier and the husband still works full time plus some more and is going to grad school and a few classes of my own and I started to feel like I was hanging on to my sanity by a short and rapidly fraying thread. I was spending too much time frustrated with my kids, upset with my husband and just overwhelmed and tired. So after more prayer and talking with my better half and more tears than one girl should ever cry, we, along with divine confirmation, made the decision that for now our family has four children and that's okay.
Right now I can't handle another baby. I want one. I see people all around me with cute baby bumps and sweet newborns and I want to be there again. But I also want to be present for the four babies I've already been blessed with. I want to be a supportive wife as my husband works harder and longer hours than most people and does everything that he can to make our lives better. I can't tell you why the answer six months ago was different than it is now, I don't understand the way God works but I know that He cares about me, He knows what I can deal with right now and He knows that my plate is full these days.
So many times we look at other people and see the way they are able to deal with life and kids and school and stress and we feel like such failures. We forget to give ourselves a break and accept that every person's abilities are different. So when I see those mommas with baby bumps and screaming newborns my heart twinges a little bit but that's okay. When it's right, we'll know.
Until then I'll just enjoy sleeping through the night.
Kristen
Well when you see others handling the stress of school and kids just fine think of me and then think we'll Marlies is doing all right but she only has 2 kids...what a chicken! lol You are a great mom and a wonderful friend and I'd go on but we know that you wouldn't believe me anyway so we'll stop there. ;)
ReplyDeleteIts what you dont see, Kristen. I think a lot of people dont handle everyday situations the way you think, but they dont let others see it. Its hard to give each little person your attention and maybe the answer was yes because thats what you really wanted.
ReplyDeleteHeavenly Father knew you were already up to your eyeballs. I think that you realized you had your hands full and therefore realized you could wait. :)
You are awesome and are doing just as good of job (if not better) than everyone else out there.
Well coming from a mother of two I think you are already a super mom!
ReplyDeleteI would love more kids as well. But with my heart condition we are too chicken to do that again.
We sure are lucky Mama's aren't we? Love our kids so much we crave more even when it's hard. :)
You have such a cute little family!! It's still crazy to me to see pictures of them so grown up!! Number 1 will always be little in my mind!!
ReplyDeleteI totally hear you on this one! I am glad you feel ok with your decision right now. It is a very tough one.
ReplyDeleteWe are having pregnant with #3 as you know, and there are a lot of times where I feel like I am not qualified to have three kids. I am not the most patient person. I feel like me and my husband are too high strung sometimes. We need to focus on our marriage more.
So anyway, I personally think having 4 kids is absolutely amazing! So don't forget there are a lot of people who look up to you too. :P
Kristen, it's so brave to admit that. I had a hard time admitting it and was making myself sicker and more miserable just because I was too prideful to say I couldn't do it anymore (fostering, that is). Jed basically had to force me. Now we are waiting to adopt until I have found successful treatments for my health problems. It's hard to be on the Lord's timeline instead of our own, isn't it? But He knows what's best. And you are a wonderful mother with a great family. I think we are both learning the important lesson of being present. Which is truly a gift. Love you!
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