I'm tired. Not unheard of, I know. But when you're the exhausted one it feels like you're the lone sufferer. My days start early. That's my own fault. I like to get up and run and then get myself ready before the kids wake up. That makes my days really long. I like having a clean house so I work to make it that way. Instead of hanging out on the couch I'm cleaning the toys out from underneath. I don't like sitting and doing nothing, I'd rather be working on a project. Even if that project is just throwing soccer balls onto the roof so that they bounce off for my kids to chase after.
I kept meaning to take a break today and do something unproductive before my classes start back up later this week but this morning the kids were playing so nicely together that I kept doing just one more project. Then later this afternoon they were recreating all of the wars in the history of the world so I was kept busy refereeing. I wanted to go to bed early but instead I consoled a heartbroken baby and then went to a committee meeting.
I hate being tired because not only does it mess with my energy level but it also colors my normal happy outlook on life. I'm less able to deal with the constant demands of the family. Serving the people that I love begins to feel like a prison sentence instead of the vocation that I willingly and gratefully chose. I know that a good night's sleep will change my perspective. I know that it's not a permanent state of being but right now it feels like the only way to fit everything in is to sacrifice my sleep time. I know, it's stupid. If one of my friends said the same thing to me I would do my best to convince them of the idiocy of their ways (in a kind and loving way, of course) but I guess maybe I just think that somehow I'm different. Crazy.
So the moral of this whine is that none of us are special. We all need to get adequate amounts of rest and we need to take care of ourselves. I haven't figured out how to do that but don't the experts say that admitting that you have a problem is the first step?